BurntErnie: I'm not lovin' it. or Why can't McDonalds serve digestible food?

Everyone knows one shouldn't indulge in fast food too often *harrumph*. High fat, high salt, high impact on the environment...the list goes on. On occasion I do like to give in to my guiltiest of pleasures....McDonalds' sausage, egg and cheese biscuit...with a big ol' Coke. I dream about it sometimes, with Homer Simpson-esque results (No, that's sleep drool on my pillow!), but very rarely do I give in. This morning was one such occasion.



My now-husband and I had to go down to the county clerk to return our marriage license and it was the perfect opportunity to justify a drive-thru breakfast. After completing our business we zeroed in on the nearest set of golden arches and skated through the line right at the 10:20am mark (close one!). 2 #4's (the above stated sammich) large sized (Hey, it was a special occasion!) with Coke....delicious.

In the back of my head, I worried. My last couple of experiences with McD's had ended in multiple bathroom excursions, unbecoming of anyone, let alone a lady like myself (belch, scratch). But surely, just this once, I could "slum it", my intestinal fortitude being recently strengthened by a change to a healthier diet (mmm fiber), but no! 

I can eat the occasional meal at the Ranch House, a greasy spoon on the corner of Colfax and Crack St (No, silly, not really...it's Smack Way.) and not miss a beat. I can deep fry food at home and, though there might be some tummy vocalizations, it's still digestible.  I can even eat Wendy's and still come out the winner, but not two minutes after I'd finished my sandwich this morning I was hurrying my husband out the door so I could endure my rapidly approaching shame alone (ew, right?).

Now if, as their website claims, "High quality is one of our top priorities. From our meats to our cheeses, from our fresh produce to our eggs, we’re committed to serving you the very best.", then why, despite the location or time of my visit, do I have white knuckle intestinal throw downs every time I eat there? 

Because, it's not real food...I can't actually verify this with any real evidence, but trust me....it's all plastic or something. If a normal, healthy digestive tract cannot handle your food, it's not food anymore. Remember that rumor in the 90's about how their burgers were made of kangaroo meat? Yeah, that, only worse. Soylent Green is.....I don't know but it's not even people. So, no more McDonalds ever, ever again. 

If I get the fast food itch I'll run down to Dairy Queen for their chicken strip basket with gravy dippin' sauce. What!? Don't act like you don't want a bite.